Born a Monster

Chapter 66

Greywood Border

“Oh, well just give us the letter, and we’ll deliver it.” Said Pippin.

“No.” I said.

“Why not?”

“There is only the one letter, and while not delivering it might seem like a harmless prank, I assure you this matter is urgent to me.”

.....

“The promises of alves are sacred within the Greywood.” Danielle said.

“Only to other alves, underneath mistletoe, and only when the moonlight shines upon them. I am not totally ignorant of your customs.”

Danielle cocked her head, twitched an ear. “Indeed. Well done.”

“Please, escort us to Laralantha, of the the House of Archers.”

“Oh.” The male who was not Pippin said. “Well, let us take you to a lake, first? Where you can bathe and make yourselves presentable?”

Katherine scoffed. “Even I know that to bathe in the mirror spring is death, even if led there by alves.”

“All right, we can see there’s no tricking you.” The unknown male said. “If you’ll just follow us, at a good distance so that none suspects you of holding us at knifepoint. We’ll escort you to her.”

“Don’t you need to consult with the actual guards keeping vigil on this entry? So they know we’re invited, not just following you?”

“But we are inviting you.” Danielle said.

I left the tent, picked up a tent stake, and held it between the two poles, the point resting on the far side of that line.

Within seconds, there was a disruption in the air. With a loud THWOK, a quivering arrow appeared in the ground, shattering the stake to splinters.

I looked over my shoulder at the alves, watching with anticipation from the door to our tent.

Danielle began clapping. “Oh, so nice, to find one so clever.”

Katherine was still getting dressed, so I decided to stoke and fuel the fire while waiting for my turn.

“What is this oil you have applied to our firewood?” I asked. I took a sniff; it didn’t seem to be the sort of thing to explode in a sulphureous fart smell.

“Oh, it makes the fire turn pretty colors. Try it out.”

I invoked Ignition of my hand, specifically on the oils I had felt there.

First off, don’t do that, it really hurts. As in two points of damage even after Boil, Boil type hurts.

Second, my hand was wreathed in bright red flames. “Ah, the flames of war.” I said. “That might have gotten us killed, too.”

The vicious pranksters emerged from the tent. “He’s boring.” The unnamed male said. “And I want to see Pippin eat worms.”

“Really? Why would I do that?”

“You lost a bet.” Said Danielle.

“That doesn’t sound like me at all. Must have been Pedes.”

Sigh. “You know that is not my name.”

“Podos?”

“You know my name.”

“Squorlgrim?” That one started a small scuffle, with Pippin laughing the whole time.

They pranced across the border, carefree as you please.

Okay, there was extra firewood in the saddlebags... Where was Dempsey?

Dempsey, complete with saddlebags, was just casually sleeping. On the Greywood side of the border.

#

There was no campfire, so we had a salad for breakfast. Dempsey nibbled contentedly on foliage inside Greywood.

“At least they won’t kill Dempsey.” I said.

“So those visitors last night, those were alvish children?”

“Pech.” I said. Pranksters and illusionists. “Since there wasn’t any magic, I’m going to guess they weren’t actually interested in us.

“So I suppose we refill our canteens at that stream we crossed yesterday?”

“There’s water on Dempsey, I just don’t think the local berries will be enough to persuade him over here.”

“Well, if they keep us waiting for long enough, those apples over there will turn ripe.”

“No good.” I said. “See that one branch, sticking over the border?”

“So we walk four hours every time we want water?”

“I think we’ll actually meet one of the actual border guard today.” I said.

“You think?”

“With high confidence.” I said.

“Why do you think that?”

“Because there is an alf watching us from right there.” I said, gesturing with my fork.

“Where, there’s nothing... no, wait. Sneaky bugger.”

“I only just noticed him, myself. Unless I miss my guess, he’s using Air magic to listen to us from where he is. Please watch potentially offensive language like sneaky bugger.”

“Thought you said alves valued honesty.”

“In humans, yes.”

She snorted. “So how long until he comes over here and talks to us?”

“He might not know human languages. Or she, I can’t tell at this range.”

“I thought elves were sophisticated and multi-cultural.”

“I’d imagine some are, some aren’t.”

“You’d think the ones they choose for border patrol would know how to at least talk to outsiders.”

“As I understand it, border guards volunteer for service, they aren’t assigned as we understand guard posts.”

“That’s ridiculous.” Katherine said. “How do they keep their borders secure with only volunteers?”

I spread my hands. “Different race, different culture. Somehow, they never lack for volunteers.”

“That’s just bizarre.”

“Goblins prepare their food without fire.” I said. “That seems bizarre to me.”

“And how do you know that?”

“I lived among goblins, for a few weeks.”

“And they didn’t eat you? Must have liked you quite a bit.”

I shrugged. “Maybe they just didn’t have enough salt.”

Lilting laughter came to us across the wind.

Katherine listened. “Well, that answers that. Female, and understands Achean well enough to tell a joke.”

“The rest is waiting. I’ll make the first journey for water, if she hasn’t contacted us by highsun.”

“You mean noon?”

“I mean noon. Can’t rule out that our potential host learned only the archaic term.”

“We could just ask her to please get the water from our mule.”

“Or please just get the mule.” I said. “But we won’t. Asking for favors before introducing oneself is rude.”

“So what, we compose a song in iambic pentameter about who we are and in spite of that we need our water?”

I chuckled. “That might actually work. How is your singing voice?”

.....

“Let’s not torture the poor woman.”

#

“On that subject, you said something last night.”

“Perhaps you could be more specific?”

“You said you were a Proteus Shapeshifter? Like the old man of the sea?”

“Protean Shapeshifter.” I said. “It’s more along the lines of werewolf shifting. It takes a while, is painful, and requires a lot of biomass, which you may know as nutrition.”

“Ah, so that’s why you don’t change forms, then.”

“That’s pretty much it.”

“Wimp.”

“I don’t have the spare biomass right now.”

“We just ate.” She said. “And ate quite well, for breakfast.”

“My daily nutritional needs are 54 points, and there’s also-”

“Fifty-four points? That would make you level nine?”

“Level six. My size modifier is the same as yours.”

“Level SIX! GODS! Here I am thinking I’m protecting my children, and you aren’t even a full adventurer, yet. What? How old are you, twelve?”

“One and a season.”

“Gods, I must be STUPID! Here I was thinking you were some kind of warrior, and that we could protect my children together. But NO! You’re some kind of ... of... hyper-baby!”

“That is excessively unkind, if not entirely inaccurate.”

“You led me to believe there was a band of heroes.”

“I don’t know about a band, but Philecto Amor is leading a small group of heroes to Narrow Valley. I was hoping for support from the alves, possibly the domug and centaur as well.”

“What? You think Steel-Eyed Adara is just going to go out and fight a siege weapon with you?”

“The Spider Queen could be considered a living siege weapon, if on a smaller scale. But no, I’ve already asked.”

“Oh, then why are we here?”

“I’m hoping to get a bow and a spear of alvan make, to offer to the winners of last Clanmoot’s victors with those weapons.”

“Clanmoot? Uruk have clanmoots?”

“Centaurs do.” I said. “They won’t be able to sneak around in the town itself, but I was hoping they could help us in the broken foothills after Rakkal is overthrown.”

“You mean killed.”

“I mean overthrown, dethroned. I don’t see how to do that without killing him, but no, that’s not explicit in the quest.”

She turned her head and spat. “You just don’t want to kill your fellow monster.”

“Kill? I don’t want to OPPOSE Rakkal. He’s big, and scary, and strong enough to turn the tides of battle. I’m not certain any hero can stand against him one-on-one. For that matter, I’m not certain a group of heroes is a credible threat to him.”

I closed my eyes. “But I am sworn to do my best to see that happen.”

“She’s coming.” Katherine said. “Anything I need to know about introductions?”

I swiveled my head. “They probably expect us to use the human form. Name, family, titles, holdings.”

“What’s the elven format?”

“Depends on which grouping of alves she’s with.”

“Wait, there’s not just one type of alf?”

“Is there just the one type of human?”

She shrugged. “So we follow whatever format she uses?”

“I think we have to introduce ourselves first.”

“Oh, bollocks.”

#

She was willowy, came up to Katherine’s shoulder, and had skin the color of cedar bark.

She came forward with a small spade, and began digging up her arrow.

“Pardon me,” I said. “I am Rhishisikk, sworn to the service of the Guild of Guardsmen, Porters, Drovers, and Linkboys in Narrow Valley as a Truthspeaker.”

Her ears rotated forward on that last word.

“This is my quest-mate, Katherine of Whitehill. We are here with regards to an invitation from Laralathla of the House of Archers.”

She squinted at me, turned back to digging up her arrow. “I’ll get your water and cooking equipment, but your passage is not my concern. Get good sleep today, someone will be coming tonight.”

“Thank you.” I said.

“Your thanks have a weight upon my emotions equal to that of a single rat fart.”

“Uh, Okay.”

Not the elegance and beauty one hears about in fairy tales, is it?

“Your emotions do not reduce my gratitude.”

“If you’re composing a poem about it, I’m leaving without getting your water.”

I really didn’t want to walk that far just to fill the canteens, and the thought of stew tonight instead of salad? I kept my mouth shut.

Her arrowhead was thin and sharp and steel, meant to penetrate armor. It wasn’t quite a bodkin point, but anyone who’d spent hours discussing arrows with an archer could see the similarities.

She brought Dempsey to the border, dumped the saddle bags, tossed the canteen to Katherine and pot after pot to me. She then led Dempsey back to a bush he’d been eyeing.

And then she crossed into the forest eaves, vanishing soon after.

“That could have gone worse.” Katherine said. “I like her.”

“We will eat well tonight. Extra portion for our guest?”

“They might bring two. Call it four bowls.”

I thought cooking forty servings of stew was excessive, but Katherine was right that there were two of them, male and female, alike enough to be siblings.

They were curious about the ingredients, but eagerly partook. When only four servings of stew remained, the male said “There should have been a silver token with the letter? About so big around?”

I groaned, and Katherine burst out laughing. Both alves look confused.

“That’s about the size of a human coin.” I explained. “I’ve no doubt one was sent, but it never made it to me.”

“Ah.” Said the male.

His sister shook her head. “Human greed. Almost as common as human stupidity.”

“Here.” He said. “Take mine.”

“Perhaps another glass of tea, and then we’ll guide you to Laralathla.”

“Take no food that is not offered, bathe nowhere the water does not flow, and harm no creature in our wood, no matter how that creature treats you.” He said.

“Oh, and none of that spitting you humans do.” She added. “That’s just disgusting.”

#